Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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