I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
please don't ironically join a cult
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