So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
