the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
