Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
