Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
