I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
