You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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