what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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