You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
