I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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