): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
