I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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