Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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