I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
only you would photoshop your dick
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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