Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
