You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
