ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
