I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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