'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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