After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize