whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
