what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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