dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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