I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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