well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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