I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
