and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You made out with two different species that night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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