just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
