Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
