you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
