i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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