i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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