May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
