do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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