You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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