so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
