Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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