watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
