I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
