Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
