I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
