That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
