Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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