Ambien. No doubt about it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
