I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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