u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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