I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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