Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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