Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize