today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
