I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
