My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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