Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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