I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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