had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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