are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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