Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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