i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
