"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
