yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
