I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
