I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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