I wanna bring you to show and tell
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
