yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He shit in the fireplace
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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